Change My Number was first written in December of 2023 and came at a time of reflecting on whether a new start is possible. It stemmed from a contemplation of whether the people in your life presently are meant to be there but more importantly, that the people who aren’t present in your life aren’t meant to be.
I’ve had the same phone number since I was a child so in some ways there was a struggle with letting go of the past, letting go of the contacts that have been in your phone for decades but you haven’t talked to them in that long either. So I pose the question, if you could change your number and move to a new town to start fresh, would you? Because it is possible and it is worth it to chose what’s best for you if it makes you grow as a person, but the sacrifice is letting go of what is not meant to move with you.
Ghost encompasses a few perspectives on the idea of abandonment. On face value, the trend of “ghosting” someone in a relationship has become eerily common. Of course there could be a variety of reasons but at the heart of it I think its because we have this sensitivity towards honesty. Maybe the idea is that it’s “less painful” or “easier” but I disagree. The truth may hurt but it is still the truth; not facing that will ultimately do twice the damage. So on the side of the one being ghosted, this song was written from that perspective.
But it also touches on the idea of being haunted by the memory of someone and learning how to overcome the obsession with why they left, if they’re coming back, or if any of it mattered to them. Like no matter how hard you’ve tried to move on or forget about them, little things surround you that remind you of them. So in that regard it’s also a song of empowerment and reclaiming your mind back because I think for many, we get so wrapped up in the “what if’s” of life that we forget to just simply be in the moment and that ultimately this is your life, you get to choose how happy looks to you.
One of my favorite songs to write, Hopeless Hope was written as I was packing my house in PA to move to Nashville. So in essence, imagine an empty house (with amazing acoustics) and kind of reminiscing on your journey so far. Are you hoping for something that’s hopeless? How do you know when to no longer have hope? When does hope turn into delusion?
I still don’t know that I have an acceptable answer to those questions but I can tell you this: always hope for the best, but never feel disappointment if you fall short. Sometimes I think we set really high expectations for ourselves and that’s great, it’s incredibly motivating to push yourself. However, don’t overlook the less noticeable blessings you’ve received along the way. Did you hit a million streams off of your very first single ever? No. But did it lead to a year of absolute bliss and a sense of finding yourself? Yes. So remember to shoot for the moon because if you miss, you’ll land amongst the stars.
Anger…what a provoking emotion? If I could describe how I felt when writing this, it would be like a feral cat backed into a corner. I think I had allowed so much in my life that didn’t resonate and I didn’t agree with but went along with to “fit in”. I’ve always struggled with that, I was never the girl who had sleepovers and invites to hangout with friends. I struggled with expressing myself honestly because of this peculiar mentality that they wouldn’t like me anymore or I wouldn’t get invited to go out anymore. Truthfully the moment I stood up for myself and spoke my truth everyone vanished.
So what do you do when one of your biggest fears comes true? You realize that it was never about them, it was always about you and you will always be fine as long as you have your back. You get to decide who you want to surround yourself with and let me tell you it is so so important. When you surround yourself with people who inspire you, you become inspirational. When you surround yourself with fans, you become your own biggest fan & a fan of the incredible people all over the world. When you surround yourself with hard-workers, you become hard-working. When you surround yourself with negativity & obsession with material gain, who do you think you’ll become?
Choose to be over it. If there’s one person who’ll support you for it, you got me babes. Always remember that.
In the words of the great Taylor Swift, Female Rage the Musical.
10 Swords, in summary, is feeling so betrayed that your guard goes 100 miles up. Not being the one that someone wants, especially when you truly loved them, is a hard pill to swallow and can provoke a certain sense of…sassery in the days of moving on.
This song is also a great example of how much a song can change from the original idea to the final recording. The voice memos above are from when it was originally written (Oct 13, 2023) to when we were recording it (Jan 4, 2024). My style of writing is a bit unique, I’m not fluent on playing instruments but I tend to “hear” what I want when writing. So for instance, you’ll hear me vocalize guitars or drums or strings (yes I know I sound silly, makes me laugh every time I play it back) on a voice memo and then when we get into the studio with someone much more talented at playing, we have a baseline. As always, you have to be willing and able to adapt to changes so I typically write partial lyrics then finish writing in studio while the instrumentals are being laid.
Trust fall shows the two sides of sensuality—the soft, sweet feminine nature of the verses contrast with the forward, sultry thoughts of the chorus. I feel so often we don’t allow women to express themselves authentically which leads to this internal dialogue that’s screaming to be let out. A woman can be gentle and passionate, graceful and outspoken. She can be loyal & faithful while also fantastic at romance. She should be the embodiment of all facets of femininity without shame or being deemed a whore by men with thrice the body count.
It also touches on the fact that trust can only be given once before it’s broken. So be mindful of who you trust, and recognize the significance of someone else trusting you.
